Monday, 1 November 2010

Bobbie Rudd - EAT THAT RAT

Ok, ok, it wasn't really planned. And I didn't make hardly any money on the robbery, and it really made my Mum angry. But at the time it seemed 'smart' and a sexy thing to do.

Another boring day, as I ate in the park, I sat and watched those rats with bushy tails begging from other folks. Most people call them squirrels but let's be honest, they're rodents. And those front teeth can chew through a house door--I know that for a fact, happened on our garage door, saw them do it! Anyway, I watched them, bored, and decided today was the day. I'd stop being nice.

So I tempted one of the bushy-tailed rats with bread crumbs, when it got close I pounced my bag on it, zipped it, and with it creating havoc but unseen, I walked over to the convenience store. When the clerk waited on me, I said "Please hand over all your money." The clerk was nervous, reached down below the counter and I shouted "NO!", and he froze. I said "Hand me the money." He squirmed...and by the way my bag was squirming and screeching wildly by now, and drawing the clerk's eyes. He handed over the dollars from the till, I opened my bag and said "Eat That Rat!!!" and left.

No, they didn't find me, the cameras were not working in the c-store, and nobody could figure out who'd use a squirrel as a robbery weapon. I haven't tried it again, but it really was sort of fun--though I only made $35.00. But shouting Eat That Rat and thinking of The Ramones was great fun! Sorry Mum.


  1. Robbing a store with a squirrel. Stealing a line from Madmen. "sometime, somewhere, it has happened before." I'll have to keep watching America's Dumbest Criminals. Thanks for the laugh.

  2. Good, eh? And it was Bobbie's first fiction foray. I think she should do more.