Jimmy Callaway - THE KKK TOOK MY BABY AWAY

Ringy-ringy-ringy!

Yello, President of the United States here.

Oh, hey, Joey, what’s up?

Oh, nothin’. I got a fuckin’ Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting later, but I might just blow it off.

Yeah.

Yeah, well, it’s almost Christmas, and I still haven’t built a single snow fort.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha! Ha, fuck ‘em, right?

Anyways, what can I do ya for?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Oh, the weather out there must be real nice right now.

Wow, really?

Wow.

Wow, yeah, seriously. All right, well, lemme just punch her name into the computer here, and…buh buh buh buh buh buh bah. Hm. Well, okay, Joey, your baby did not get to L.A., your information on that was correct. According to this, she instead went to Pulaski, Tennessee, of all places.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, seriously. I mean, I can’t see anybody going there of their own free will, y’know? So yeah, it could be something fishy.

Well, with this program, I can’t tell you that, unfortunately. All I can tell you is where your baby went. You oughtta call Dave though, over at the Hoover Building.

Yeah.

Yeah, no, I totally get that. Yeah.

All right, bro. Lemme know how it shakes out.

Peace.

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Ringy-ringy-ringy!

You’ve reached the Federal B of I. Dave speaking.

Oh, hey, Joey.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Huh. So she never got there.

Yeah.

Well, yeah, of course. All right, let’s just punch her name into the computer here…hmmmm, hm, hm, hm. Hm. Okay, yeah, your baby is still alive, according to this. But see, with this program, that’s all I can say, y’know, I can’t tell you where your baby went, or—

Oh, you did? Oh, okay. What’s that guy up to?

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Pssh, snow fort. What a dork.

Yeah, well, if she’s in Pulaski, you oughtta call up Steve. If he—

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, for sure. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past him, y’know.

All right.

All right.

Yeah, no problemo, man. Good luck.

Laters.

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Ringy-ringy-ringy!

Thank you for calling the Ku Klux Klan, where we’re dreaming of a white Christmas. This is Tandy, how may I direct your call?

One moment, sir, while I transfer you. Thank you for calling!

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Ringy-ringy-ringy!

Steve Lieberman, Imperial Strength Wizard speaking. How may I—

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Joey. Whoa. Let’s, uh, let’s calm down here.

What? That’s—

Look, I don’t—

Well, they would say that, wouldn’t they? You believe everything you hear?

Joey—

Joey—

Joey, can I talk now?

Joey—

Look, man, I haven’t even talked to her in—

You did?

He did?

He said that, huh?

What! No, you don’t have to—

Whoa, wait—

All right, all right, all right. We took her away, okay? There, I admit it. Happy now?

Yeah, well—

C’mon, man, no, don’t do that. Look, I’ll put her on the next train out.

Yes, I personally will see her to the station. You have my word.

All right, then, you have whatever of mine is worth anything, she’ll be on the very next train out.

All right.

All right, yes. Yes, I understand.

I’m leaving right now, okay? Your baby will be back by tonight.

Yeah.

Yeah, happy fuckin’ holidays to you, too. Sheesh.